Today is Father's Day

Life has been crazy and hectic. As much as it has been overwhelming, it's also probably been a good thing on about eleventy thousand levels.

...Especially the level where we're too busy to think about how our hearts hurt.

For whatever reason, today was the day that neither of us could ignore the hurting heart anymore. Unfortunately, I get really consumed with my own sadness and forget that my husband has some of his own. Ok, a lot of his own.

We're struggling.

Mother's Day came and went and didn't really bother us. Maybe it's because we have two mothers to worry about and it's sandwiched between three birthdays, but it came and went with little to no emotional pomp and circumstance. I didn't spend a lot of time wondering when it would be my day, and it never came up with husband.

My husband barely talks to his father and certainly would not make an effort to see him on Father's Day, so it's just my dad. My parents just moved, and we have been helping them nonstop. We're already exhausted and edgy from the sheer amount of stuff to do professionally and personally. This weekend was already raw, but we were getting through it. Then a friend who planned her wedding the same time we planned ours announced her pregnancy and everything just unraveled.

I couldn't keep it together anymore for about a thousand selfish reasons. I went back to thinking about how unfair it is, and I let all of those thoughts into my head about what she has done in her life that makes her less deserving than me. You know, like any of that matters in the genetic lottery. Husband had already declared that he hated Father's Day, and we had argued because I felt he was punishing my dad because his dad can be a jerk. I didn't consider the fact that he was also struggling because it represented our continued failure. We were supposed to be celebrating our own reproductive success by now, but we're not. More frighteningly, I have genuinely resigned myself to the fact that we may never have anything to celebrate.

So on Father's Day 2014, it felt like everything came apart at the seams, and we couldn't get it back together despite the apologies to each other and celebrations with my family. Even though the emotional roller coaster had stopped for a while, we took another unexpected drop and we're still trying to catch our breath.

I'll be here gasping for air for a little while as we try to sort this out and smooth out these very raw edges. Send sandpaper.

As always, it's hip to be square (and a little jagged), kids.

My Brain Hurts- Help Me Sort This Out?

Being an adult is hard, yo.

Aside from having to do ALL THE THINGS and now being the proud owner of a second practice, we're trying to sell our house and build another one.

This raises SO MANY QUESTIONS.

And, you know, why have a blog and not make the Internetz answer these questions for you?

So we're building this house, right? And it's coming in about 50K more than I would like it to, which is manageable even though it's extra money per month. Anyway to not spend that money, however, would be stellar.

This leaves me with a conundrum. The community we're building in allows garage apartments. If we have a garage apartment, we can rent it out for about 1/2 of the mortgage payment. It adds about 60K to the price of the house and about $400 to the mortgage each month but we would get nearly three times that in rent if we were to successfully rent it out each month.

There is always the question of whether we would be able to rent it out or not, but with a medical school walking distance away as well as three hospitals, I can't image there will be a paucity of renters.

Do I want someone in my space? I mean, the apartment would have an outside entrance, so he or she should not have access to the yard or my house, but it is a fairly close proximity to a relative stranger.

I think we should just go for it and take the risk, but it's a big risk to take, and it's a lot of money to borrow over and above to 20% down.

What would you do?

Can You Find Me?

INTERNETZ.

I AM SORRY.

I am have busy doing things. We bought another practice. We're trying to buy a house. My parents are moving. We're trying to sell this house.

I am the HBIC of all of it. 

I am le tired. 

I'll be back soon, kay?

Love,

--MD

It's hip to be square, kids.