Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Life Hack With Brownies

I have developed a life hack that makes cleaning totally interesting. 

Well, maybe not interesting. But it totally makes life tasty. 

I typically don't mind cleaning, but once in the while, it's impossible to find the energy. No one is going to pat me on the back for cleaning my own house, so I have to give myself a high five. 

Here's my new system. 

1. Purchase a box of brownie mix.

2. Prepare brownie mix. 

3. Put brownies in oven.

4. Wash dishes. Clean countertops. Put away mail. 

5. Brownies are done.

6. Reward productivity with brownies.

7. Win at life. 

I'd rather be fat with a clean house and brownies than skinny and live in a mess.

And c'mon. BROWNIES.

As always, it's hip to be square (and life hack-ed), kids. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

More Like Beauty BLAHger

I put on makeup because I have to, not because I'm any good at it. Without makeup, I look like I'm 12. With makeup, I'm pushing 15. The extra 3 years matter, I promise.

Lately, I've been trying really hard to get better at, you know, giving a shit. It's really difficult to spend much time thinking about how I look because I'm working so damn hard all of the time. The time that I'm not working, I just want to be in my bed. It also seems silly to get fancied up for my patients, so I have a very minimal routine in the morning of ways to make myself look like a person. Straighten hair, some makeup, clothes, DONE. Oh, I brush my teeth in there too. I do not, however, brush my hair. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. I don't even own a hairbrush. YOU DON'T BRUSH CURLS, EVEN ONCE THEY'RE STRAIGHTENED.

That was really for my husband. He doesn't understand not owning a hair brush.

Back to the topic at hand.

I had this thought. There have got to be a ton of women out there in my same situation. Women who don't buy cosmetics because they're fun and sparkly but because they need to look put together. Women who don't particularly enjoy trying new shades and looks, but who need functional pretty-fying stuff that WORKS.

This can't just be me. In fact, I know it isn't. So now that I'm putting some damn effort into this shizz, I will share it with the internetz for those of you who, like me, just need things to be simple but effective.

AND AND AND, I'll give some of them away while I'm at it.

How 'bout them Apples?

Speaking of giveaways, don't forget about the one that we're currently rocking over here: Raccoon Eyes No More!

As always, it's hip to be square (and functional!), kids.

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Clllllllaaaaawwwwww

I love claw games. I have no idea why, but I love them. I can't walk passed one without at least wanting to load it up with quarters. For years, my husband told me I was ridiculous, but he has since learned the magic of the claw. Now it's like our thing.

When we were on the cruise last month, there was a claw game in the casino where, instead of stufed animals, we played for $100. It was $1 per play, but I think we made our money back. Husband walked out there with $200.

Now that we're back on dry land, you can pretty much only play for stuffed toys, but it's still fun. We're like the dream team of scoping out an available get and finding the perfect position for the claw. If Little Brother is with us, the only thing that gets in our way is physics. And when the claws are rigged.

Last night, we pumped way too much money in to a claw game at a toy store. We like playing because it's fun to win, but the best part about the whole thing is that we almost always give the toys to a nearby kid. I don't think we need any more stuffed animals. We got to hand three or four complete strangers toy to snuggle with (so what if they're filled with lead?!), and they were all super appreciative.

So, yeah, we waste a lot of money on stuffed toys that cost pennies, but it's like our skill. We can master pretty much any claw game. And we can make some unexpecting kids smile in the mean time, so BONUS.

As always, it's hip to be square, kids.

And remember, the mascara giveaway is still happening until November 18! Find it here: Raccoon Eyes No More!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

No Good Very Bad...

I just don't feel good at much right now. I mean, I know there are things I'm good at. I just keep looking at my friends and all of their successes and thinking that they are far more impressive than I.

I have the friend who is the super successful blogger. The friend who got pregnant on her first try. The friend who has a fancy corporate job with all the perks and good hours. The friend who eats whatever she wants, never exercises and weighs 98 pounds. 

And then there's me. 

I need to stop comparing myself to other people. It makes me feel like I have nothing to be proud of. I'm not a successful blogger. I am a successful business person-ish. I don't have the body that I want. I'm no where near close to who I want to see in the mirror.

The thing is, I logically know that I'm the only person who sees these as shortcomings. Why can't I agree with everyone else's assessment of my life? It's been a roller coaster of a month, and I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now. I certainly don't feel comfortable in my clothes. 

There is so much to be proud of. Does it ever get easier to focus on what you are rather than what you're not?

It's hip to be square, kids.

On a lighter note, don't forget about my super fun giveaway that is going on until November 18! Find it here: Raccoon Eyes No More!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Raccoon Eyes--- Giveaway! EXTENDED!

I don't wear mascara. I have a terrible habit of rubbing my eyes. I also have awful dark circles that probably come from years and years of working too hard and not sleeping enough, but that's not what this is about. The eye touching and the natural darkness mean that after a few hours, I look like a rodent burglar no matter what mascara I'm wearing. I have tried a ton of them, and the benefits never outweigh the quickness with which I look like a dead person. 

The easy solution would have been to stop touching my eyes. Yeah. 

Fidgety people are fidgety. It's pretty much impossible. And then, when I think about not doing it, I end up doing it more and looking like a raccoon even faster.

First. World. Problems.

This first world problem, however, has been solved. I found the mascara of my dreams. 

I don't actually dream about mascara, but you get it.

I introduce to you to the mascara that holds up even through my neurotic neurotic-ness:

Clinique High Impact Waterproof Mascara

Image courtesy of
Seriously, kids. This stuff is great. I wear it every day. I put it on at 6:00 in the morning, and it's still in place when I get ready for bed at 11:00 p.m. One night, I was super gross and fell asleep without taking it off, and not only was there nothing on my pillow, but my eyes still looked fab the next morning. I also managed to test this stuff out during the most stressful month I've had in a while, and it withstood all of the tears and exhaustion like a cosmetic BEAST. 

I take it off at night with a small amount of makeup remover on a cotton ball and BAM! Naked eyes like it was never there. 

I am so happy with it that I want my readers to understand and enjoy the majesty, so I'm giving one away. All you have to do is comment on this post to enter. Then, you can get extra entries by sharing the post on your social media. Tweet it, Facebook it, Instagram it, Pin it, sky write it, dance on the rooftop with it-- whatever you have to do. Just post a comment with the link to your share, and there you go. 

A winner will be selected on Monday, December 2, 2013. So get to posting!

I have no affiliation or relationship with Clinique, the maker of this product, and they did not supply the product for the giveaway. I purchased the product myself and will be shipping it myself. I have no sponsorships or affiliations with any companies. I am an excited consumer who wants to shout from from the top of a mountain, but I don't have a mountain, I have a blog.

Also, you get an extra entry if you can tell me what movie that last line referenced. Also also, we'll be best friends. 

As always, it's hip to be square (and wide-eyed!), kids. 

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