I have this uh-dorable idea that I'm in control. I like the believe that the business is completely under my management and my life is in order the way that I want it. I imagine that nothing can change that unless I want it to.
I am so full of shit.
The Universe likes to remind me of this.
Sometimes I appreciate it.
The thing about it is, The Universe is one of those jerks who likes to give you good news but only after you waded through the gut-wrenching, terrifying, seemingly bad news to get to it.
It's like someone making you eat a plate of icky vegetables before giving you the bacon that you've been waiting for.
Right. Anyway. On Monday, we got a certified letter from one of the companies that we work with. When I say "work with", I mean, "they are a majority of our income and that contract is really important to the business side of running this practice." Certified letters are usually contract updates, but they rarely mean anything of value. I didn't think much of it.
SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT MORE OF IT.
Basically, they were cutting an 1/8 of our income for the rest of the year.
*Cue instant heart attack.*
I immediately went into HOLY CRAP mode. I went from quietly eating my chicken salad to eating people's souls. It was a big effing deal.
Luckily, I had to go back to doing other work and I didn't have a lot of time to think about it that afternoon. When I got home from work, husband wanted me to go with him to pick up some chairs he bought, and that didn't leave much time for thinking about anything else. Also, the fact that I am totally exhausted by 9:30 at night meant that bedtime was shortly following the afternoon and evening shenanigans.
Thanks for that, at least.
By the next morning, I was still worried, but then things just kind of started to make sense. It was like The Universe showed herself to remind me that she isn't a total ho bag.
There were two different opportunities that could have been really good for us, but both were going to cost us a lot of money in salaries. I was uneasy about both of them, and I felt a little strong-armed into doing it. No one was forcing me, but both of them really needed the opportunity, and we were doing well enough as a business to make them manageable investments.
Even so, I just didn't really want to do either. I like being comfortable. If we were trying to take over the world and please shareholders, I probably would have cared a lot more, but at the time, we were doing well enough to support our needs and well beyond.
I would like to note that the morning before we received the fateful letter, I was discussing my hesitations with my husband and said something along the lines of "The business is doing incredibly well. It's not like we can't afford it."
Why yes, I am the moron who tempted The Universe and set this whole thing in motion.
The whole thing was the perspective change that I needed. I now saw it as an opportunity to quell my anxieties rather than something that should create more of them. I had a real way out of things that I couldn't decide what to do on because The Universe is all nice like that when she wants to be.
Sometimes she just has to be a total butthead before to prove a point. Jerk.
Really, really nice jerk who should love me and remember how much credit I give her and yeah. Be kind, please. Just please.
I'll shut up now.
As always, it's hip to be square (and not entirely in control), kids.