Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Yes, We Talk About You

This is a note to all of the husbands in the world.

Take note: We do talk about you with our friends. We always will. No amount of whining on your part is going to get us to stop.

You don't want us to stop talking to our friends about the things that you do or don't do, even when you irritate us. The outlet of another person who understands what it is like to be attached to someone who bugs the shit out of the most of the time is incredibly important.

You're just going to have to deal with the fact that someone else knows about your obnoxious idiosyncrasies.

Here are your options: 1) We talk to our friends about you. 2) We talk to our therapist about you, and that shit is expensive. 3) We talk to you about you all.the.time.

You think that when we talk to our friends about you, we're bad-mouthing and painting you out to be a total asshat. It may sound like that, but women have this amazing way of understanding the difference between frequent venting and real marital difficulty. We all vent. We have a physiologic need to do so.

What you're missing is that while we may run our mouths about you when you irritiate the balls off of us, we also shout from the rooftops when you do something awesome like bring home flowers, take us to a nice dinner or do the laundry without being asked.

You know what females remember more than the bitching about the fact that you don't ever want to do what we want to do? When you do something amazing that they wish their husbands would do.

We can gripe about 100 things that you do that make us crazy, but they're immediately wiped off the face of the planet when we get to brag about those other super cute things that you do.

So, you're just going to have to deal with the fact that we talk about you. It's not meant to be mean-spirited. It really just gives us common ground with other people and helps us not feel so isolated in our own occasional marital strife. It makes your life easier in the long run, I promise. But don't think for a second that we make you out to be the Big Bad Wolf. You probably seem way more like Prince Charming than you realize.

As always, it's hip to be square (and married!), kids.

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