If you want to know what it's like to navigate the world of infertility in the weakest, most hateful moments, this is it right here:
*Scrolling Facebook*
*Click on Trending Topics*
Oh, look! Snooki's pregnant again!
A woman who has publicly done more intentional damage to her body by regularly drinking herself into a stupor and LITERALLY making bad decisions for a living has a working set of reproductive organs that give her babies when she wants. Meanwhile, I stay out of trouble for my whole life, do the best I can to talk care of myself and work hard to not make a jackass out of myself, and I get to sit here without any hope.
I'm an awful person.
If you want to know what it's like to be unintentionally attacked by the whole world at the same time, it's right here. It's happy people everywhere getting what you want and making sure the whole world knows it. You can't get away from it. You can't hide from it. To avoid reminders of it, you can't go to the grocery store, leave the house, turn on the television, read news sites, NOTHING.
Everything feels like a purposeful reminder of how much it hurts.
This is all so self-centered and ridiculous. I have so many things to be thankful for right now.
It just feels like none of them matter.
And they do.
But they don't.
But they do.
But they don't.
As always, it's hip to be square, kids.
I understand this so much. I was just at a baby shower, for someone I care about very much, but the whole time all I could think about was, why not me?
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