Friday, January 4, 2013

It's Never Going To Happen

Someday, I'll look back on this post and laugh. I'll be all like, "Look at that pessimistic diva and her self-centeredness. That bitch cray."

And I'll laugh some more.

I'm not laughing right now.

I'm hitting one of those this-is-never-going-to-happen walls where all I can feel is resentment toward the world and happy people in general. 

In actuality, I am a very happy person. I like my life, my job, my husband, and my family. 

I'm just not happy for you, persay. Your good fortune doesn't, like, do anything for me. 

People are getting what I want, and they don't even have to work for it. In the meantime, I sit here and stew about how, in the midst of my seemingly happy existing, NOTHING is working right. 

Nothing that I want, at least. 

I'm working endlessly on how to get our family on the track that we say we want, but we're still stuck in neutral. 

I promise, swear and take a solemn other than I will get the fuck over myself very shortly.


As always, it's hope to be square (and pessimistic!), kids.

1 comment:

  1. (((hugs))) I understand! I've been there so many many many times in the past 10 years. I wish I could leave some big comforting words of wisdom but I can't find those words. I wish I could tell you it gets better or easier but I can't because it won't unless you get what you want. I even naively thought after adopting those feelings would go away but they didn't. Like you I'm not usually a downer type person but IF changes a woman. There are some broken things which can't be fixed. They can only be eased with the knowledge you aren't alone. Others hurt with you and for you. Sorry if this is out of context or something. I'm a new reader so I haven't yet got to read the rest of your story so I hope I haven't said something stupid. :-)


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