Monday, May 27, 2013

Sorry To Offend, But Not Really

I am going to say something that will instantly offend many mothers and mothers-to-be.

It will get plenty of argument and push back just for the existence of such a statement. 

I will be accused of being heartless and unkind. 

I will be accused of not being nurturing enough. 

And that, right there, is the very problem, and why it needs to be said.

Here goes:

I have no intention of breastfeeding my future children.

There. Hate me.

The fact that that statement can elicit so much hostility and anger is, in itself, the reason that there is so much parent-on-parent hate and parental guilt. (Okay. It isn't the only reason, but it's a huge reason on a long list of already trying hurdles that parents have to go through).

Every parent experiences mommy or daddy guilt at some point without it being pushed in their face by other parents or personalities. I say this, obviously not as a parent, but as someone who helps people work through the guilt on a daily basis. The decision to breast feed or not breast feed should not make a mother feel like she has to justify her choices to every other human in the world in order to retain her "good parent" card. There should not be guilt or shame associated with it. There should be no fear of recourse or aggression because a very personal decision was made.

I defy you to prove to me that this will somehow make me a bad parent. 

Let's support each other. Let's not make other parents or parents-to-be or people thinking about becoming parents fear each other because the decisions that they make for their child do not fit the Pinterest definition of perfection. 

If you are one of those mothers who looks at other mothers who decide to bottle feed and shakes your head or makes another woman feel even the tiniest bit inferior because there is no baby attached to her tit, then you are what's wrong with the world. You can disagree, but you do it on the grounds of what is right for YOUR family, not hers. For everything you put into the universe that builds your superiority complex, I bet I could find a thousand things in your home to chop you down. I wouldn't because that defeats the purpose of this whole tirade, but I know I could. So, chill.

Can we stop pretending that we have to be perfect parents and just accept that we have to be parents and that any child lucky enough to have that is fortunate?

Is there love? Yes. Will there be unending devotion? Yes. Will we be happy? Yes. Will I want to kill it sometimes? Yes. Will I try? I don't think so. Not intentionally at at least.

I may pop out a kid and totally change my mind. Maybe I will value the bonding time. Maybe I will understand the beauty of it. Maybe I will think that formula is too effing expensive. Maybe I will just want to do it.

Right now, though? Not on my list of priorities. 

And if that makes me a bad person? Okay. I'm a bad person who is going to love the shit out of some very squishy baby.

That's cool.

As always, it's hip to be square (and supportive!), kids.


  1. I support whatever people decide. It's their choice. Also, don't underestimate the "I'll never" statement as something that can come slap you in the ass. Maybe not about this...but it totally happens because once you become a parent, you inherently change in ways you are not able to even comprehend beforehand. <3

  2. Breastfeeding took an emotional toll on me that I wasn't expecting and my 2nd kid is happier at this stage of his life than my 1st because I didn't stress and only breastfed until I couldn't emotionally do it anymore.


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